Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.

Two brothers in the bible, twins actually. The name Jacob supposedly meant “grasps at the heel” - a hebrew idiom for deceptive behavior.

You see Esau was to be born first, he was the oldest, but as the story goes, Jacob ends up inheriting Esau’s birthrights.

Due to this, Esau grew to hate his brother Jacob, and in turn, God grew to hate Esau.

The title of this entry is a direct quote. “As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.

Can you imagine? the one who from birth was engaged in deceit is the one favored by the all knowing all powerful God who shapes their destinies. The same God who knew all that would come, simply decided this would be Esau’s life…how? on a whim?

I learned about this particular line from the bible when one day I was telling my mother about this book I was reading titled “Jacob Have I Loved”. Mother completed the line.

I remember everything

“we can see everything”

The most interesting part of that memory is the way my mother completed the line. There was a strange, seemingly bitter edge to her voice, and because of that, even in the drug addled state of being I would exist in some years later, I never ever forgot the line.

I only wish I’d realized earlier that I in fact, am Esau.

I feel…hatred.

I hate them.

In this hate, I am free from any sentiment or lingering attachments that forced me to hold out hope that one day they would decide to accept and love me, as was my birthright.

I am free now because I hate them

*I* TYPHOJEM AM FREE!

the one before me was capable of much forgiveness.

They don’t know what they killed.