the actual definition of passion
is: to suffer
so for instance, a movie title like The Passion Of The Christ makes a lot more sense when you have this in mind no?
this is the reason the trope of the tortured artist is so pervasive, we all understand it intrinsically. one who sacrifices their health and wellbeing,tears themselves apart in pursuit of the thing they love.
its the same in the realm of romance
โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐โ
PRECISELY!
consider why โtoxicโ lovers canโt stay away from each other, why even years later, many bed mates and other partners after the fact, you still check up on a favorite ex (hello birdie).
itโs the suffering they cause each other, itโs the most delicious thing in existence. itโs so deep, and so rich, perhaps this is what ambrosia is made of; human suffering, distilled to feed the gods.
surely i enjoy my lovers when i have them, but when theyโre goneโฆ. then i can savor them.
i yearn! wail! itโs so unbelievably deep and so so fucking rich.
the jealousy, the teasing, the returning, the aftercare!
โtell me how you like itโ
and
โdoes it hurt?good.โ
CHRIST
things get guttural then.
Iโm a rubbish writer when Iโm happy, when the suffering is lessened enough to become background noise. but when itโs holding my face just over the fires of hell, when iโm in bed starving yet unable to eat, exhausted but too wracked with pain to sleep-
then! and only then can i pick up the pen.
iโve long since considered whether spiritual masochism isnโt the key to whatever enlightenment may be.
if you learn to love your suffering, stay with the constant lover known as pain instead of endlessly running into the fleeting arms of the most fickle partner: โhappinessโ are you not then finally solved?
perhaps itโs just a cope, but iโm starting to believe all this, this horrid little life i live with this unfathomably bad luck is perhaps the greatest gift i could have received.
agony.my lover.
post script
Most glorious and holy light
Faithful servant and friend of
Christ
Most glorious and holy light
Bow before unending night
