when you describe nightmares they seem a bit silly

yet another horrifying nightmare

yet another bout of sleep paralysis subsequently

one of my earliest memories in fact, is being stuck in sleep paralysis and trying to scream at my mom to wake me up

i remember feeling like, or full on dreaming that my eyes were glued shut

i was screaming and screaming and screaming in that bed but no sound was coming out and of course, what sort of mother would disturb her child’s restful sleep?

i’ve been terrified my whole life of locked in syndrome where a person is entirely paralyzed but fully conscious at all times. unable to interact with the outside world at all. it’s a little funny then that i’ve experienced something so similar quite frequently my entire life. i wonder if that’s why im so afraid of the condition or if that makes it silly to be fearful

“htob ebyam”

Yes, maybe both.

The second to last of multiple nightmares from last night was about my sister and i being captured by a rebel militia group back in africa. It marks a new chapter in the

“chronology of terror”

Yes, thank you. As usually, almost (perhaps 28/30) every nightmare I have involves me running. Usually away from someone, some beast, some entity. The rest involve me running after or towards something desperately.

Of course, in all of them, I can’t run nearly as fast as I can in real life. I may as well be wading through molasses.

Running forever, running my whole life, I was always the fastest kid in class and I took a lot of pride in that, it was a not insignificant part of my identity. Even in college, I was always eager for a race. Against Brendan who was on the rugby team, against Elena who I had a crush on, anyone.

Shania and I are talking about our nightmares, and I say

“i like how obvious and applicable the over all themes of our respective dreams and neuroses are

mf who’s always moving away is always having dreams about being chased and running away

IMAGINE THAT”

running while asleep, while i’m awake, in between states of consciousness, always always always running and running

“and running and running and running running running running”

when would i ever at any point have been able to feel rested?

“ti raeh uoy nac?”

the song?

“sey”

I can, Zurawie

“𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖆𝖗 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖞 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖖𝖚𝖎𝖙𝖊… 𝖘𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖈”

sure, i don’t disagree.

“darlin if you keep runnin, you’ll eventually end up back where you started.”