what a thing to complain about
who’s called the meeting and why
it was me
well!
today was especially difficult, lots of emotions all around and i… it makes me extremely anxious to be around that
“why?”
well i don’t know, it shouldn’t, but i truly am so thoroughly…. discombobulated around
“people having feelings.”
yes!
“so, just all the time then?”
i suppose. i have spent the last few years living alone, and not really interacting with anyone offline,so… not around it too much, till now.
“seems like a rather extreme reaction.”
it is! but it is the truth of the experience.
it’s like um, this feeling new parents have of knowing they’ll never rest a full night again cus somewhere in the back of their mind they’ll always be worrying about their kids.
i feel that way, that sort of extreme anxiety; at all times, for all of my friends, for any animals im acquainted with.
“how compassionate and pious of you!”
not so, not like that! truly i’m not signaling anything i promise! it’s just real! i really mean it! i know it’s dramatic but i really do feel that way!
“your nerve endings really are raw and exposed huh”
it’s excruciating! I can’t take anything more i’m already at capacity! all the time!
“what does this have to do with your friends?”
they’re just all so…
“normal people with normal feelings expressing those feelings?”
YES!!
it’s like
people have a few channels of communication right? language, facial expressions, feelings, etc. a majority of it unspoken
I’m aware of it but there’s just a wall, and a signal jammer, I can’t receive or send them out without that sort of intensely disruptive feedback loop, or static, or something horrible
“it’s painful?”
ITS VERY PAINFUL!
sometimes even when they touch me it’s painful!
“all the time.”
Every thing is painful all the time!
all the time.
it’s always painful. every day.
“well what’s the title about?”
ah, uhm
being back in the city, i’m running into a lot of new people much more frequently than on the island and i’m noticing more
with a larger sample size i’m noticing that people view me exclusively as a sexual object. even those not attracted to me, often make some comment about their perception of what my sex life must be like.
sex and emotions.
that’s what everything is about, and those are my two greatest pain points.
i know i keep saying im tired and im finished but
“you’re tired”
“and you’re finally really finished huh?”
yeah
