12:56am//night falls fast

but alas, after all realizations, after everything is said and done, there it is.

I feel it running directly center and through me.

From the middle point of my clavicle, right below my adam’s apple, down to my navel.

a strong, consistent, constant and almost palpable stream of melancholy.

nothing i have done, thought,or tried can seemingly ever free me of this.

and because of that, because of its constant presence, i am reminded of what i have to do to myself and everyone with the unfortunate luck of knowing and caring about me.

how things have to go, how my story has to end.

it is impossible to live a long life, feeling this way forever.

“you’ve done it for more than ten years now,please don’t give in now,save us.”

I cannot save myself.