don’t come here anymore; don’t read this blog

scrambled eggs and a whole bottle of riesling for breakfast.

ignoring a text from a girl i’ve been seeing because i don’t like how she talks

ignoring a text from a different girl

ignoring a message from a girl i matched with in the dating app i downloaded yesterday

shoot a text to Andres “do you know any drug dealers or anyone who knows any drug dealers”

i’ve decided strangulation leads to too much of a risk of surviving with brain damage or ending up in a coma where i’m fully conscious but unable to use my body at all. that’s my greatest fear, a gun is messy, my eggs are too salty, also i could miraculously survive a gun and end up deformed and ugly and alive! another big fear.

if i could go out feeling good, high out of my mind, that could be nice.

i don’t care anymore about ruining anyone else’s life, im not noble, i can’t bear to live my own. i don’t care about being weak or selfish or a coward, i don’t want any of this.

uber eats the diphenhydramine 50mg, best i can do on such short notice with no contacts and being sort of in the country side 5,000 miles away from home.

don’t come here anymore, don’t look at me any longer, nothing good will happen, nothing will change for the better. i’m a failure and a waste of potential, go and live your own life!