i be coolin bra idc bout nun
couple of folks throwin jabs at me randomly today, maybe something in the air, people in bad moods, people maybe who have a problem with me for one reason or another, randos online
well let me speak properly so i can formulate my thoughts properly.
was with a friend and his friend who is often quite…. pointed in his interactions with me. I’m not sure if he has a problem with me or if that’s just his demeanor but in the three times we’ve met i’ve always been taken aback by how rude and aggressive his remarks are. Today we’re all headed to the same shopping plaza for our own individual errands when in the span of maybe 20 minutes, i mean… it’s like i’m dodging bullets with the amount of shots coming at me rapidly. I manage to riff on and laugh them all off for the sake of our mutual friend until I get tired of it and branch away quietly while the others look for something in another section.
On my walk home, a sunshower! so many of those have graced me this year, truly wonderful stuff. A memory was prompted.
A beach day with my cousin, my first girlfriend, her best friend and her family. Her mother’s boyfriend is quite the abrasive alcoholic, we get to the beach and I notice his antics beginning so I gather my crew, and we walk off in search of a ukulele.
Some time later, my girlfriend at the time tells me that her best friend said she always admired that about me, that I was always doing my own thing, that if I didn’t like a situation I would just leave.
Back to present day. I realize this is the first time I’ve done that in years. I can just leave! figuratively or literally! I don’t have to engage with people in any capacity, not even for “politeness” or “common decency” I can just… walk away, from all of it. I’m becoming myself again after these last two years oh man! I’m becoming myself again and I’m remembering that I dont actually care about any of it or any of them! Why did I get so involved? when was I pulled down and anchored to earth?
I remember now! I’m fine! Everything is fine! I’m me again!
I’M ME AGAIN
hey! remember Jacob, brother of Esau from the bible? yknow what else he did in his life time according to the holy book? He wrestled God.
and won.
Every time the pinched nerve in my hip ails me, I remember that the only reason the fight between Jacob and God ended was that God touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that it was wrenched. Even then, Jacob only let God go after he agreed to bless Jacob.
