had a good day today was in a great mood all day

in the middle of cutting onions and mushrooms when i remembered telling my mom about how i would often hear someone whispering my name

she said “that’s god speaking to you, next time you hear it, just say “yes lord i’m listening”” and so i did

it’s funny just how effective that was at actually making the whispers stop rather.

i remembered this because i saw a cat walking by in the corner of my eye, but when i looked, of course no such cat existed.

that’s actually been happening for a few years now, and the whispers started more than twenty years ago, and somewhere in between then i swallowed a massive bottle of benadryl hoping something would give and some organ would fail but instead i heard those very whispers again.

it feels good to realize it’s all connected, that it isn’t because of a break up or a particularly stressful period

that i have great reasons for being the way i am

that i don’t convince myself my lies are the truth, rather i’m just telling the truth and just don’t realize it at first.

which reminds me, last night i remembered a man’s face. i don’t know who he is , what he did to me, or why he’s relevant, but i have a feeling im knocking on a door i shouldn’t be.