golden wind zen order

i’ve seen this future because it is almost identical to the past, but this time i’ve learned. heres how it’ll go

the topic of an exclusive committed partnership will come up seriously this time and i’ll say

“no, we wouldn’t be good together that way.”

and he,they,she, whoever it is will say

“why not?”

“because I cannot fulfill your emotional needs in the long term, that’s just not the way i am”

“you could change.”

and then I’ll stop and think through all the reasonings, logical arguments and philosophical tricks as to why i absolutely cannot, realize none of them are true or a well crafted enough for me to actually believe and argue for them, and then i’ll say

“i’m not willing to.”

and they will hold on to that for a long time, because there is an implication, the missing part of that sentence, “not for you anyway.”

and that will be the end of things, because as cruel as i like to imagine i could be, i would never subject any creature to my presence when what defines it is unrequited love.

“she really did steal you away from the world.”

only what was already hers to take.

post script

“live by the water, the water the water the water”

“it’s warm tonight go to the beach”

“the lake is only a mile away go go go go go”

constantly. it’s a softer and more quiet voice compared to the others but, it is by far the most constant.