behind a glass wall

watching myself do and say things i don’t want to

watching myself having sex with people i don’t want to

watching myself swallow pills every day that render me almost bedridden with severe pain despite not wanting to

watching myself delete work, accounts, phone numbers, that i’d rather keep

watching myself spend money i’d rather not

watching me sabotage my life over and over

watching myself watch myself

watching myself isolate

watching myself destroy relationships

watching myself die slowly painfully from self inflicted ways

is not me but it’s my fault somehow