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my favorite style of gameplay is to induce as much frustration and/or psychological torment as possible. inflicting as many status ailments as possible, rendering my opponent dumbfounded with how frequently it seems the coin flips and luck favor my agenda of psychic vampirism. turn one, flip a coin till you get tails, apply that much energy to your monster, turn two induce sleep in your opponent, flip a coin, force the opponent to flip a coin, if tails they stay asleep and are unable to take any significant actions on their turn. turn three induce sleep twice per turn, heal your own monsters twice each turn for free, this sort of thing. recently i picked up playing and learning a new character. can go invisible, can teleport, can send a clone of themselves into battle first to confuse the enemy, very squishy and easy to burst down with loads of damage in theory but it almost never goes that way.
from the moment i pick the character in the lobby, something shifts in the air. my allies are cautiously optimistic, they understand what it means to have someone who’s genuinely good at this character on their team. they’re also afraid because what if this character is being played poorly. the enemy team however, almost always enters a state of panic. they’re pessimistic, they don’t often consider the option that i could just be bad at the character, they think “oh that’s just my luck!” and it affects their play before the game even begins! it’s beautiful to watch. even when im no where close to them on the map, they take precautions, they buy certain items, they play differently, always afraid that suddenly an invisible clown will show up behind them and throw a knife at their backs.
while discussing kinks with last nights love affair, i talked about how much i would enjoy fucking someone in front of their partner, how i want to see them jealous and in a state of sickening awful turmoil. gleeful would be the word to describe my expression speaking of it, and you know… they said the idea does nothing for them! they don’t find it attractive and they don’t see the appeal. fascinating!
then i started to think, hmm, maybe there’s something actually wrong with me if im like this, when did i become such a true sadist.
meeting at work yesterday, i did my best not to speak up, but then before i realized it, i had called out the managers as a rebuttal to the pretentious fake virtuous solutions they were offering to the problems the runners were complaining about. stunned silence. after a while… “yeah that’s a fair callout!”
disgusting, i loved seeing their faces.
control as an idea, im obsessed with it as much as im horribly obsessed with the idea of my own mortality, of executing my demise by my own hands. i cant stop thinking about it, i havent been able to stop thinking about it for two decades now.
the root of all this is of course fear and true weakness i know.
i’m simply just not in control, desperate as i am to be.
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hi my name is sinclair, sin for short, that’s what all my friends call me anyway.
Sin?
Sin.
