carcioffola

talking to angel about it

talking to angel about how i’m finally me again and how im over it

he says

he says something about

he says something about how obsessed i get, and i explain

i explain that

my only reason for living that i can think of, is to just experience cool things, to see cool places, nothing is really important to me, i don’t really care about anything that much, on a global, humanitarian, altruistic scale, i just.. i don’t care that much.

the problem is

the problem is that wanting to see cool things is not a strong enough why to be able to survive any how

when things get bad enough, ultimately, seeing cool things doesn’t matter enough to make me want to be around and try as i may, as hard as i’ve thought over years and years, i just can’t think of anything! maybe if i had kids but im sterile so-

maybe family but well we all know how that went

nothing! until i fall in love with someone

it’s not good or even romantic but, they become my religion, i worship them, they are my reason for existence, they are my god

what happens when a god abandons his faithful ?

well of course they would spiral into despair, oblivion

i love to serve,i yearn to worship

but! l know better moving forward

I’ve been loosed from tartarus

and to prevent being sent back i must avoid falling in love

because

i can’t be normal about it !

for me, it is all encompassing

“translation?”

all consuming