i can’t beat it

i cannot articulate how bad it is to live in my head

how loud,chaotic, overpopulated, exasperating it is

it’s hopeless how many layers and locks there are, how many conditions must be met for a CHANCE at wellness, wholeness, forget happiness, I’ve long since given up on that, what i wouldn’t give for simple contentedness considering how relatively good my life actually is.

the worst part is i can’t help myself. i can’t stop myself, i can only watch.

i can’t help myself.

god my highs are so high

and my lows

please god

the lows

i feel too horrible to exist

let something good happen to me

may sinclair’s life get better

may something good happen to sinclair

please

amen