dream journal 1:obliviator

quite the surreal and harrowing night of dreams. they all took place in my current place, my room or the outside porch and they were mainly just very strange. the sorts of dreams that start off with you thinking you’re awake giving the dream that much more potency.

in the last one:

i was starting a game and needed to select my characters attributes

section for modality or world view, then an announcer with a deep voice started describing one particular universe theory/world view, I don’t remember what it was but suddenly i was seeing the whole of the universe snap to black, complete and utter nothingness, then i felt something start to pull me away as if i was being drawn into a black hole, the gravity was so intense that i woke up from this dream only to still be feeling it. i couldn’t move, i felt the rear of my body, my brain and head especially had disappeared entirely, i could only think in my frontal lobe, i clenched my jaw and in my mind grabbed on to something, i protested heavily and thought “i don’t want to go” it took all my strength and i very nearly lost. couldnt return to sleep.

in another:

woke up, glimpsed out my window and saw a very strangely proportioned man throw on a hood and start scaling trees and buildings, swinging on vines. at first he looked like a monkey, then an alien, then a man. i grabbed my phone to record him, and when i was done i saw him standing in my court yard looking directly at me.

and the other:

the lights were off in the hallway i walk through to get to my apartment it was far too dark to identify my door so i went to the end of the hallway to find a light switch, suddenly i saw a strangely shaped sort of smushed down into an ovular shape birch tree log on the ground. i started running back and forth on it surprised at how sturdy it was and how good it felt to run on it. on one of my runs down it i saw my mother, grandmother and one other person come out of my apartment wearing the black and white attire often to funerals. i saw my mother sew a lot of these for people growing up. they were all turned away from me walking down the hallway.

i can’t remember any others or what order these dreams came in, except that the obliviator was last. one of those dreams that shake me for days in the waking and make me think about how terrifying it to exist at all. to have a mind and to be conscious. as i write that im starting to doubt whether or not i should have resisted that pull.