Cold Urticaria

Last winter I experienced this for the first time. Simply being outside in the cold made my skin break out in hives. It was negative something degrees so I didn’t think much of it, and then it happened again tonight.

43 relatively warm degrees all things considered, standing outside with some coworkers who were smoking cigarettes as I waited for the lyft ride home. I noticed it in the car, couldn’t quite remember what the condition was called so I looked it up.

In the search suggestions: cold urticaria cancer

hm.

Cold urticaria is a rare condition that causes an allergic reaction to cold temperatures[…]The condition is sometimes associated with an underlying blood cancer or infectious disease.

blood cancer?

leukemia.

ah.

symptoms include

blah blah blah

Persistent fatigue, weakness

oh

blah blah

Losing weight without trying

Shortness of breath

Bone or joint pain

Easy bruising

I see.

I suppose it would be a very nice bow to tie, one thing to explain away everything physical that’s been wrong and isn’t improving over the last 2 years.

bit convenient yes

hm.

and it’s not something they can just cut out either, it’s the blood, so, well.

A long slow punishing death for one Cash Sinclair perhaps.

“all speculation.”

yes all speculation.

“it would explain everything though.”

it would yes.

“and it would be very fitting.”

poetic justice even.

“no real health insurance”

nope, just that bullshit Hooray Health work gave us

“so.”

so.

“plan of action?”

let it do its work, and never whine about it.

“hey”

hm?

“when the story is over”

close the book.

post script

I was born left handed in a country whose beliefs dictated that left handedness was wrong, an aspect of the devil, something to be corrected. In this way I suppose the tone of my life had already been decided.

𝕴’𝖛𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖘𝖔 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖋𝖚𝖓 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖔𝖓𝖊! 𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖐 𝖞𝖔𝖚! 𝕾𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖑𝖞!

deathconsciousness vol. II: apocrypha ends.

i am sincerely and with all my heart, rooting for you.