in all of time

when i remember something, im there again. i can see, smell, hear, touch.

its not fuzzy at all. i’m really there again, back in the same spot, in the back of my brain, seeing through my eyes. i am the awareness behind my thoughts

everything painful is at once painful again

everything beautiful is somehow even more so.

i live there, and here, and somehow in the future also.

most languages think of the progression through time as us moving forwards, facing forwards.

one that i know of presumes that the past is actually in front of us, that we’re moving backwards through time

our back is turned to the future, so we can’t see it, but we can clearly see the past.

at least i can.

therefore the pain is endlessly present.

and so is the joy(?)

if infinity as a concept does truly exist

then the right conditions and molecules and copulations occurred for me to exist again infinitely through all time

over and over and over again

endlessly endlessly

everywhere and everywhen all at once

can you understand why then that my mind is so splintered

i’m not crazy i’m just

“you know how they describe crazy people in that language”

yes

they say “their minds are with God”

my mind is with

post script

i’m working on loving and accepting myself

i’m told this is the key or the necessary first step

it’s a bit troublesome however when some parts of me are so dark, depraved, cruel.

it’s a practice, difficult considering how much i hate all of those traits in people.